#96: The Good Soldier Svejk

If I had to explain The Good Soldier Svejk in one sentence, I couldn't do it. It's dark comedy (in fact, a comic strip at one point).  It's political, and it's tragic.  It's historical fiction that spotlights a slice of military relations during the first World War.  If irony and comedy and horror combined, The Good Soldier Svejk would surely be the offspring.

Even the main character, Josef Svejk (last name pronounced "Shvayk") cannot be pinned by a single representation. At times, he appears as a hopeless idiot while at other times, he proves himself to be completely intelligent and adept.  From what I've read, this book is as confused and unfinished as its writer, Jaroslav Hasek, who went from being a scholar to a bum to an anarchist to a writer to a soldier to a communist and back to an anarchist and writer.

How, then, can such a book make it on the list of the best 100 novels of all time?  O ho, my friends, only a person who has not read it would ask such a question!  It's popular because it's powerful.  The Good Soldier Svejk was almost unknown during the writer's lifetime (he died before finishing it).  Unsurprisingly, many did not take kindly to the fact that Jaroslav Hasek was quick to poke fun at the horrors for which they had all so recently endured.  Furthermore, the imbecilic character of Svejk did little to promote the esteem of the Czech countrymen, but even worse was his representation of the Austrio-Hungarian military. 

It would be like if someone wrote a funny story about the incompetent U.S. forces in Iraq and Afghanistan and made the common soldier look like he was one step away from institutionalization.  We can laugh now, but I wonder if die-hard Czech patriots aren't still cursing the name of Jaroslav Hasek!

Jaroslav Hasek took a blight on his country's history and he exploited it for all its possibilities.  He wasn't afraid of controversy, and because of it, he lived much of his lifetime in drunkenness, shame, and poverty.  Ah, well.  Such is the sacrifice for good literature, right friends?

What I Loved...
was the comedy.  Svejk possesses a bumbling curiosity and proudly declares himself a half-wit.  The fact that he is in the army at all is apt to induce humor.  He is a likable dude, and his storytelling skills are exemplary.  But there are times when he is amazingly clever.  The police become desperate to trap Svejk into committing treason.  Since Svejk is a dog trader in civilian life, they try to make friends with him and buy his dogs.

      The St. Bernard was a mixture of mongrel poodle and a common street cur; the fox-terrier had the ears of a dachshund and was the size of a butcher's dog, with bandy legs as though it had suffered from rickets.  The head of the Leonberger recalled the hairy muzzle of a stable pinscher.  It had a stubbed tail, was the height of a dachshund and had bare hindquarters like the famous naked American dogs.
     Later detective Kalous came to buy a dog and returned with a wildly staring monster which was reminiscent of a spotted hyena with the mane of a collie...

And then, things just seem to work themselves out for Svejk:

     And that was the end of the famous detective Bretschneider.  When he had seven monsters of this kind in his flat, he shut himself up with them in the back room and starved them so long that they finally gobbled him up.

Svejk and his cronies are hilarious. There is so much humor worthy of showing you here that all I can say is that you have to read the book.  Sadly, another aspect of the book that I can only talk about and not fully portray are the pictures!  Didn't I mention that The Good Soldier Svejk was turned into a comic strip?  Due to Czech copyright laws, I can't show any of the pictures here even if I critique them, so all I can do is repeat:  you have to get the book.

And I think we all know how much I love history!  I gobbled up every page that profiled the trials of the Austrio-Hungarian military during World War I...and I sometimes got a good chuckle out of it, which is rare for historical fiction.  Like when the soldiers are given a motivational speech, Svejk makes his assessment:

     "Won't it be marvelous when, like the chaplain said, the day draws to its close, the sun with its golden beams sets behind the mountains, and on the battlefields are heard, as he told us, the last breath of the dying, the death-rattle of the fallen horses, the groans of the wounded and wailing of the population, as their cottages burn over their heads."

I don't know how to react to that.  Should I laugh or cry?  I think it depends on whether or not you see the glass as half-empty or half-full.

What I Hated...
was the drunken rambling.  My copy of The Good Soldier Svejk is 800 pages long.  I'm estimating that a good 15% of it is nonsense--and that is a conservative figure.  While entertaining, there are times when the writer's vices (Hasek was an alcoholic) show itself clearly on these pages.  Frankly, we could trim this book back by quite a bit and not lose a shred of significance.  Here is just one example of a character who is clearly as drunk as the writer:

     "It doesn't burn," he said despondently, when he had used up a whole box of matches.  "You're blowing it."
     But at that moment he lost the thread again and started to laugh: "This is a lark.  We're alone in the tram, aren't we, my dear colleague?"  He began to rummage in his pockets.
     "I've lost my ticket," he shouted.  "Stop, I must find my ticket!"
     He waved his hand resignedly:  "All right, let's go on..."
     He then began to wander:  "In the vast majority of cases...Yes, all right...In all cases...You're quite wrong...Second floor?...That's just an excuse...It's not my concern, but yours, my dear madam...Bill, please...I had a black coffee!"

And it goes on like this for six pages.  From what I can discern, there are no purposes for these moments except that the writer was wasted off his butt, thought he was hilarious, and wanted to fill pages.

But the worst part about this book is that it is unfinished.  Jaroslav Hasek was an interesting character who lived hard.  He possessed an inherent hatred for authority and alternated between being respectable and being repugnant.  He was a lawless drunk who, for much of his life, was forced to live under the radar and among the homeless.  He didn't necessarily take care of his health.  So, it happens that the writer dies and The Good Soldier Svejk ends abruptly before Svejk's battalion even makes it to the battlefront.  What would we have seen there, I wonder.  What piece of history will never be shown because the writer did not live long enough?

What's Next?

Wilkie Collins' The Woman in White.  I know next to nothing about this book except that it supposedly started the whole genre of mystery fiction.  Just think, Sherlock Holmes may have never existed had it not been for this book.  Let's get a preview and check out the trailer:

#97: Dracula

I want to be Dracula...on one condition.  Yeah, I don't want to turn evil and drink people's blood.  But who wouldn't want to fly, see in the dark, turn into a mist or bring on lightning, direct animals, mind read, slip through cracks in doors, and wield the strength of 20 men?  This guy is almost a super hero!

But seriously, Dracula terrifies me.  When I was a kid, I was certain that Dracula planned to creep into my room while I slept alone in my bed.  To ward him off, I could not rest unless I had a blanket covering my throat--even on the hottest of nights.  It isn't that I thought a flimsy ol' blanket would stop Dracula, but I knew he would have to move it out of the way to expose my neck, and I would wake up and have a chance to defend myself.  How I would fight him, once awake, did not ever seem to enter my mind.

Take the Can You Defeat Dracula? Quiz.

There's just something about sleep that can be so terrifying (especially to a young, imaginative child).  In sleep, we lie amongst our universe completely comatose and unaware to all the evil that may hide in the shadows and surprise us at any moment.  I wonder how many cases of somniphobia Bram Stoker's creation has induced since Dracula was first published in 1897.

Sadly, people began losing sleep long before Dracula ever entered the scene.  The idea of vampires didn't originate with Bram Stoker.  The legends and folklore of the nasferatu were passed around before time was even recorded, most notably in Eastern Europe.  Consequently, it provides the perfect backdrop for Castle Dracula.

What I Loved...
was the gore!  Nothing is more disgusting to me than open, gushing veins, twisted and splintered limbs, unraveled intestines, or severed spinal cords.  I am shivering just to write the very words!  So, why do I love to torture myself by reading Jonathan's assessment of Count Dracula after a meal?

There lay the Count, but looking as if his youth had been half restored. For the white hair and moustache were changed to dark iron-grey. The cheeks were fuller, and the white skin seemed ruby-red underneath. The mouth was redder than ever, for on the lips were gouts of fresh blood, which trickled from the corners of the mouth and ran down over the chin and neck. Even the deep, burning eyes seemed set amongst swollen flesh, for the lids and pouches underneath were bloated. It seemed as if the whole awful creature were simply gorged with blood. He lay like a filthy leech, exhausted with his repletion.

Doesn't that make you want to throw up?  But also, don't you just want to read more?  Of course you do, and Bram Stoker will not disappoint you.  You are sure to feel nauseous several times while reading this book, and yet, I can't get enough!  I have no explanation for my sick fascination and love affair with horror fiction, but chances are, you love it just as much as I do, or Dracula wouldn't be so popular today.

I also loved Van Helsing's speeches.  He wasn't always the most straightforward fellow, but you've got to admire the means by which he makes his point.

‘My friend John, when the corn is grown, even before it has ripened, while the milk of its mother earth is in him, and the sunshine has not yet begun to paint him with his gold, the husbandman he pull the ear and rub him between his rough hands, and blow away the green chaff, and say to you, ‘Look! He’s good corn, he will make a good crop when the time comes.’

Dr. John Seward spends a good portion of the book in confusion because Van Helsing speaks by way of  quaint, little riddles.  Some trouble may have been prevented had he been clearer.  But how does one tell another of something they know to be true, but of which they know their friend will not believe?  Bram Stoker may have uncovered the true motivation for the metaphor!

What I Hated...
was the ending! (Beware: If you haven't read it, or seen the movie, or realized that Dracula dies, I am posting the ending, and I don't want you to cry that I am giving it away, so stop reading now!)


As I looked, the eyes saw the sinking sun, and the look of hate in them turned to triumph.
But, on the instant, came the sweep and flash of Jonathan’s great knife. I shrieked as I saw it shear through the throat. Whilst at the same moment Mr. Morris’s bowie knife plunged into the heart. It was like a miracle, but before our very eyes, and almost in the drawing of a breath, the whole body crumbled into dust and passed from our sight. I shall be glad as long as I live that even in that moment of final dissolution, there was in the face a look of peace, such as I never could have imagined might have rested there.

Yeah, that's it.  No last struggle.  No flowery description.  No dying scream or threatening words to drag them all to Hell with him.  They simply find Count Dracula in his box, stab him, and he turns to dust.  Superhuman Dracula's reign was brought down in 2.3 seconds.  It is too disappointing on so many levels!  It's like when you find out your favorite athlete has been taking steroids.  It's like Popeye before he chugs a can of spinach!  It would have been much more exciting if the sun had set, and they had been forced to hunt down Dracula at the height of his power.  Had things turned out differently, I may have been reading  this book much later in the year when I will get to the very, very best on the top 100 list!

See if you can kill Dracula so easily in the Can You Defeat Dracula? Quiz!

What's Next?
It turns out that the Czechs are pretty protective of their books, and you can't find an ebook of the The Good Soldier Svejk anywhere.  Oh, thank you, Amazon, for your easy access to bookstores throughout the world for I now hold in my grubby hands an excellent-condition hardcover.  It isn't loaded with pictures, but the pictures it has give it the appearance of a comic book.  I'm excited for some light, Czechoslovakian military humor, circa 1923.  I couldn't get through Dracula fast enough!  

Get a sneak peak and watch a trailer for The Good Soldier Shweik!

#98: The Three Musketeers

I was wrong.  This was my first time reading The Three Musketeers.  I recognized my mistake right away.  For instance, if you haven't read the book, but have only seen crappy reconstructions in various forms, did you know that d'Artagnan, the main character, is not even a member of "The Three Musketeers"?!   What crack was Alexandre Dumas smoking when he came up with his title?  Talk about misleading!  But you want to know what isn't misleading?  The fact that this book has been applauded for over a century and is #98 on the list of the best novels of all time.  I can see why.

(Check out The Book Club Book's new quiz, Which Musketeer Are You? )

What I Loved...
was the villain.  No, not Cardinal Richelieu.  He's a sad puppy dog compared to the real star of this book, the evil Milady Clarik de Winter.  Beautiful, seductive, brilliant, and with a soul as black as onyx, her vengeance was her downfall.  Like everyone else, I was as drawn to her as I was repulsed.  Watch her stalk her prey:
  
Then Milady collected all her energies, murmuring in the depths of her soul the name of Felton--the only beam of light that penetrated to her in the hell into which she had fallen; and like a serpent which folds and unfolds its rings to ascertain its strength, she enveloped Felton beforehand in the thousand meshes of her inventive imagination.
 
I was disappointed when she met her end with the Musketeers' revenge.  C'mon, don't lie!  You wanted the coyote to catch the roadrunner just as much as I did!

Aside from enjoying Milady's escapades, I also loved the lackeys, particularly d'Artagnan's lackey, Planchet.  Poor, 17th century lackeys.  The most they could ever hope for in life was to be the lowly servant of a great man, and in the (four) Musketeers, they could not have hoped for better.  But still, wouldn't it suck to stand on the sidelines, forever faithful, and never receive a bit of notoriety for the part you play in your master's successes?  And I'm not sure their treatment deserves so much devotedness.

D'Artagnan did reflect, and resolved to thrash Planchet provisionally; which he did with the conscientiousness that d'Artagnan carried into everything. After having well beaten him, he forbade him to leave his service without his permission.

Geez, let's tone it down a little.  This apparently took place before the Lackey's Union reformed the industry and ensured safe working conditions for lackeys everywhere.

What I Hated...
was Porthos.  Seriously, Dumas, you could have kept the title, "The Three Musketeers".  All you had to do was ditch Porthos from the story forever.  Let us ask ourselves, did he ever do anything to advance the plot of this story, was he necessary, cunning, useful in any way???  No, no, no, and no.  Ditch him.  Milady knows, just ask her:

"...tell him that among these four men two only are to be feared--d'Artagnan and Athos; tell him that the third, Aramis, is the lover of Madame de Chevreuse--he may be left alone, we know his secret, and it may be useful; as to the fourth, Porthos, he is a fool, a simpleton, a blustering booby, not worth troubling himself about." 

Well said, Milady.  I knew I liked you!  By the way, if you take the Which Musketeer Are You? quiz, and you get Porthos, I am truly sorry.  It isn't that you're a bad person  It's just...maybe "musketeering" isn't the best profession for you.

And then, being that I don't hate myself or my gender, I had a problem with the sexism.  Sure, The Three Musketeers made its appearance in the mid-1800's.  It was a different world, as they tell me.  That doesn't mean my blood doesn't run a little hot when I read things like this:

It is with valets as with wives, they must be placed at once upon the footing in which you wish them to remain. 

Hmm, I don't have to wonder as to why so many married women had lovers.  It wasn't a crime to bully your wife back then.  Laissez-faire?  I say, lasso their ass up and put them in jail!

What's Next?
I'm now reading Bram Stoker's Dracula, and I'm not much excited.  This will be the third time I've read this book, the first being when I was eight-years-old, and the last being just two years ago.  Ugh!  I detest to read a book more than once!  Isn't it enough that I've already broken that rule, but now, I'm going so far as to read it for a third time?  Well, I will do it, and do you know why?  Because I made a commitment, and I would not want to disappoint you, Dear Reader.  Undoubtedly, I will speed-read through this one.  There isn't much risk of missing anything.  I'll be surprised if I don't have the book memorized by the time I'm done!

#99: The Hound of the Baskervilles

Sherlock Holmes!  Who doesn't love him?  His first chronicled mystery appeared in 1887 and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle thereafter featured his famous creation in 55 short stories and four novels, the third novel being The Hound of the Baskervilles.  Even today, Holmes' infamy lives on in Hollywood (though I still think Robert Downey, Jr. is an odd choice to the play the lead).  But what makes this famous detective so intriguing, so apart from the rest?  Well, The Hound of the Baskervilles will do little to enlighten you.  With so many publications behind him, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle must have felt that repetition of Holmes' past successes, habits, and personality were unnecessary.  In fact, I could not find one single, clear description of the detective in the entire book!  You are merely left with the impression, mainly from Watson, that Sherlock Holmes is a great man, worthy of respect in every way.

And oh, it was such a fun, chilling mystery!  The mystery of Holmes' character, however, must stay unresolved...for now.

What I Loved...
was the scenery.  Forget the hell hound, with descriptions like this, who wouldn't suspect that sinister, supernatural forces were afoot?

From the end of it a small wand planted here and there showed where the path zigzagged from tuft to tuft of rushes among those greenscummed pits and foul quagmires which barred the way to the stranger. Rank reeds and lush, slimy water-plants sent an odour of decay and a heavy miasmatic vapour onto our faces, while a false step plunged us more than once thighdeep into the dark, quivering mire, which shook for yards in soft undulations around our feet. Its tenacious grip plucked at our heels as we walked, and when we sank into it it was as if some malignant hand was tugging us down into those obscene depths, so grim and purposeful was the clutch in which it held us. Once only we saw a trace that someone had passed that perilous way before us. From amid a tuft of cotton grass which bore it up out of the slime some dark thing was projecting. 

 And then, when we do finally meet the infamous hound, what a fiendish creature!

 A hound it was, an enormous coal-black hound, but not such a hound as mortal eyes have ever seen. Fire burst from its open mouth, its eyes glowed with a smouldering glare, its muzzle and hackles and dewlap were outlined in flickering flame. Never in the delirious dream of a disordered brain could anything more savage, more appalling, more hellish be conceived than that dark form and savage face which broke upon us out of the wall of fog.

And we can't forget my dear, Watson.  At least in this Sherlock Holmes' mystery--in which Holmes' presence was felt more than seen--Watson is my favorite!  Even Sherlock Holmes holds him in the highest esteem:

‘If my friend would undertake it there is no man who is better worth having at your side when you are in a tight place. No one can say so more confidently than I.’

What I Hated...
was the fact that Holmes and Watson had little evidence that the diabolical Mr. Stapleton met his demise in a quagmire, yet they accept this theory without hesitation.  This is the first and only Holmes' mystery I have read, but I would be disappointed to find that Mr. Stapleton does not make another appearance to enact his revenge somewhere down the road.  If he does, then all is forgiven.  If not, I'm disappointed, Holmes.  I'm afraid we have a mass murderer on the loose.  What was it that Stapleton said?  

‘That is the great Grimpen Mire,’ said he. ‘A false step yonder means death to man or beast. Only yesterday I saw one of the moor ponies wander into it. He never came out. I saw his head for quite a long time craning out of the boghole, but it sucked him down at last. Even in dry seasons it is a danger to cross it, but after these autumn rains it is an awful place. And yet I can find my way to the very heart of it and return alive.'

 Yes, that's right.  He's an expert at finding his way through the mire...You let the villain escape, Holmes!!

What's Next?
Alexandre Dumas' The Three Musketeers.  Isn't it sad when you've read so many books that you aren't certain if you have already read something?  I have a fairly decent knowledge of the plot, but this could be because I actually have read the book, or because I have seen these characters parodied in everything from cartoons to sitcoms.  Oh well, I will be sure to give you the verdict in about four days!